Saturday, December 29, 2007

Kitchen B****

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 -year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train...cause we're going down the tracks.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house.

Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added,"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Me---As A Recipe

The Recipe For Jan

3 parts Instinct
2 parts Inspiration
1 part Silliness

Splash of Wisdom

Finish off with a little umbrella and straw

Friday, December 28, 2007

I Am Lisa. Once Removed.

I moved this from my other blog-fits more here anyways.

I am Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, I have the mind for world domination.

But I prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

I will be remembered for: all my academic accomplishments

My life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Let The Women Navigate!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter “ usually late November to mid-December". Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.

We should have known! Only women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

Nativity Displays Are Banned.

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United State Congress, this year !

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable!!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

12 days of Christmas-With Cats

Anyone with cats will like this . Anyone who doesn't have cats knows why they don't........

Thanks JenBen (moving at Christmas with three kids-what were you thinking? )

  • On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree my 12 cats were laughing at me.
  • On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the fourth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the fifth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the sixth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the seventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the eighth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the ninth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the tenth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me
  • On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
  • On the twelfth day of Christmas I looked at my poor tree 12 cats a-climbing 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Top Quotes Of The Year

  • "Don't Tase Me, Bro," Andrew Meyer

  • "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." Lauren Upton

  • "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

  • "That's some nappy-headed hos there," Don Imus

  • "I don't recall." Alberto Gonzales

  • "There's only three things Rudy Giuliani mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." Sen. Joseph Biden

  • "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with Dick Cheney who has a 9 percent approval rating." -- Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid

  • "I have a wide stance when going to the bathroom." Sen. Larry Craig

  • "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." -- Joe Biden

  • "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." Jimmy Carter
    1. Tuesday, December 18, 2007

      Michigan Accident Statistic



      Monday, December 17, 2007

      The Button King

      Maybe I should do this-since I have insomnia too.

      The Button King

      Friday, December 14, 2007

      Barenaked Christmas Music and More Canuck Lovelies

      Go to this link on December 15 and get your freebies.
        • 1 - Barenaked Ladies - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
        • 2 - The Weepies - All That I Want
        • 3 - Sarah McLachlan - Silent Night
        • 4 - Matt Wertz - What Child Is This
        • 5 - Liily Frost - Skating On The River
        • 6 - Oh Susanna - Go Tell It On The Mountain
        • 7 - Medieval Baebes - The Holly & The Ivy
        • 8 - The Be Good Tanyas - Rudy
        • 9 - Barenaked Ladies - Elf's Lament
        • 10 - Melissa McClelland - O-Holy Night-MST
        • 11 - Jars Of Clay - Hibernation Day
        • 12 - Sarah McLachlan - Wintersong
        • 13 - Martha Wainwright - Merry Christmas And Happy New Year
        • 14 - Kyle Andrews - Under The Misteltoe
        • 15 - Leigh Nash - The First Noel
        • 16 - Sarah McLachlan - The First Noel_Mary Mary (DJ Shah Remix)

        Old Plate Death

        Michigan is changing it plates to all one color or design this year. I have had this one for at least 8 cars. I remember it on the 1994 Geo Metro and my first Saturn in 1991. It went into the recycling bin last week. Boo hoo. My new one says BRR!

        Tuesday, December 11, 2007

        Punked at Burger King!

        Thankfully, this will never happen to me. I get my veggie burgers at Red Robin and Ruby Tuesday's.

        Under The Mistletoe

        Sunday, December 09, 2007

        Cell Phone Spam

        As if emails weren't enough, now the spammers are taking on the wireless world. I got a spam text message tonight from an email account to my cell phone. I don't have my number advertised or used by anyone but close family. 5 people have my cell phone number. I am paranoid about my privacy.

        If you receive one of these messages, contact your cell phone provider and file a complaint. Contact the FCC and file a complaint. Put your cell phone on the Do Not Call list (your home phone should already be listed-unless you are crazy and like that sort of crap). Enough of this garbage into our lives!

        Saturday, December 08, 2007

        Wild Thing!

        I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

        Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response... "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son!"!

        Friday, December 07, 2007

        The Dating Game Continues...

        Overstock.Com Discount Code

        Enter the code 73994 on the order review page before Jan.31,2008. This will take off another 5% from their already low prices! Go shopping here

        And shipping is only $2.95 for your entire order

        Wednesday, December 05, 2007

        The Dating Game

        I love this comic strip and you can view the archives of it here. The sequences to follow remind me of the games some of the "men" I know have played dating-including my son and brothers. I swear most men are stalkers anyways! Enjoy.

        Tuesday, December 04, 2007

        Dog Play

        Jackson got his toy caught in the top of his crate-here is his struggle to get it back. Then Marley was in on it. I finally gave them a hand, as the toy had a hard center and would not pass thru without being torn to shreds.

        Wednesday, November 28, 2007

        Rack 'Em Up!

        Check out a super blog giveaway here!


        This song gets played every 4th quarter at the Piston's games-whether we are winning or losing! I always get messed up at the C.

        Fifth Grade Science Exam

        Q: Name the four seasons.
        A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

        Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
        A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

        Q: How is dew formed?
        A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

        Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
        A: Keep it in the cow.

        Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
        A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

        Q: What are steroids?
        A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

        Q: What happens to your body as you age?
        A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

        Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
        A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

        Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
        A: Premature death.

        Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
        (e.g., abdomen.)
        A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

        Q: What is the fibula?
        A: A small lie.

        Q: What does "varicose" mean?
        A: Nearby.

        Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
        A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

        Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
        A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

        Sunday, November 25, 2007

        Friday, November 23, 2007

        I Can't Even Shower ...

        5 minutes in the hot shower trying to warm up. I finally crawl out. My underwear are missing. Jackson is in the bed. My underwear are in the hall-shredded to bits.

        The damn dog ate my underwear. Not my socks. Not the towel. Not the mat. Not the toothpaste tube. He ate my underwear. And he has the look on his face that says "HA!" Paybacks for locking me in the john this morning instead of letting me stay outside in the freezing rain.

        Tomorrow, he stays outside all day!

        Thursday, November 22, 2007

        Handi-Vac Kitchen Sealer Tool

        I would not usually plug an item here but I found this cool "toy" and bought it today. Having wanted a vacuum sealer for a long time but not wanting to splurge $100 and up for an item I might not use as much as if I had kids at home and bigger meals, I said the $9.00 I paid for this item would be a worthwhile experiment and if it didn't meet my needs, I would give to my daughter to use.

        Well, she ain't getting it! I love it!! I purchased a large bag of frozen peas and divided them up into several servings bags and tucked them in the freezer. There are at least two sizes of vacuum bags and if you look in the store, there is a $5 refund form on the shelves.

        Check it out here and play the freezer game while you are there.

        THE PARROT

        A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

        Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was a total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

        John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
        Eat a Tofurkey!

        Sunday, November 18, 2007

        Dear Mr. President

        I saw this on Colleen's blog this morning and it needs to be passed on. Think about this and tell me if you feel the same.

        Dear Mr. President
        (feat. Indigo Girls)

        Dear Mr. President,
        Come take a walk with me.
        Let's pretend we're just two people and
        You're not better than me.
        I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

        What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
        Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
        What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
        Are you proud?

        How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
        How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
        How do you walk with your head held high?
        Can you even look me in the eye
        And tell me why?

        Dear Mr. President,
        Were you a lonely boy?
        Are you a lonely boy?
        Are you a lonely boy?
        How can you say
        No child is left behind?
        We're not dumb and we're not blind.
        They're all sitting in your cells
        While you pave the road to hell.

        What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
        And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
        I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
        You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

        How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
        How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
        How do you walk with your head held high?
        Can you even look me in the eye?

        Let me tell you 'bout hard work
        Minimum wage with a baby on the way
        Let me tell you 'bout hard work
        Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
        Let me tell you 'bout hard work
        Building a bed out of a cardboard box
        Let me tell you 'bout hard work
        Hard work
        Hard work
        You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
        Hard work
        Hard work

        How do you sleep at night?
        How do you walk with your head held high?
        Dear Mr. President,
        You'd never take a walk with me.
        Would you?

        Share Something Big!

        I saw this photo challenge here . I would love it if you posted a link to something you have personally seen or have a photo with humans in your town or on your travels.

        A local dairy, this was in the parking lot of the grand opening of VG's grocery store last year. I was alone so no humans in this but I was there!
        Here is my daughter in the world's largest frying pan on the way to my son's wedding last April. Really off the beaten path.
        This is also on the way to the wedding-near a truck stop called Lovie's. I think this was on Interstate 80 in Illinois. Marley was freaked!

        So post a link or email me a photo-my email is under the profile and I will add it here. And visit my other blogs too!

        ETA-no porn! G rated images only!!

        Saturday, November 10, 2007

        Life is Unfair!

        The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it, "A death?" What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

        You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better everyday. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then,

        When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

        You work 40 years until your young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink like a fish, party your ass off, and screw anything that moves - you've only got a few years left, why not?!?

        Then you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last nine months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarter’s everyday.

        And then you finish off as an orgasm

        Things Kindergartners Know About Food

        • 9. If it tastes really bad, the teacher knows a song about how great it is!

        • 8. In a pinch, glue is an acceptable condiment.

        • 7. Absolutely everything tastes better with chocolate syrup or ketchup on it.

        • 6. Most blue food you find in the fridge will make the puppy sick.

        • 5. Mom's M&M cookies are worth two sandwiches and a dead frog.

        • 4. Dr. Pepper supplies the best on-demand burps.

        • 3. Most foods can be used as finger paints when necessary.

        • 2. Your dog, your cat and your one-year-old brother all look the same eating peanut butter.

        • 1. Happy Meal french fries last longer than the Happy Meal toys....but the toys taste better.

        Wednesday, November 07, 2007

        Ethiopian Berbere Stew

        I love lentils (did you know in the UK they call them pulses?). There is this wonderful restaurant that used to be in Trapper's Alley in downtown Detroit. When the casino moved in, the Blue Nile moved out. I haven't been back since except on marathon day as part of the race ran thru Trapper's Alley. The Blue Nile is now in both Ann Arbor and Ferndale.

        So they made these small side dishes with lentils. Until I went there years ago, I didn't know lentils came in any color but the bland brown ones most of us know. The entire dinner is served on a tray in the middle of the table covered with Injera bread-which you use as a scoop for food. You are not given forks or spoons.

        I decided to try and make the Berbere stew that is so aromatic. But I had to make it vegetarian. Here is the recipe for the spices I used. Most ingredients are readily available at a quality grocery or see if you have an Indian or Middle Eastern grocery locally. Also try Whole Foods or Trader Joe's.

        Berbere Spice

        1 Tbs. ground cardamom
        1 Tbs. ground coriander
        1 Tbs. fenugreek
        1 Tbs. ground nutmeg
        1 Tbs. ground cloves
        1 Tbs. ground allspice
        1 Tbs. cinnamon
        1 Tbs. paprika
        1 Tbs. turmeric
        1 tsp. cayenne
        1 Tbs. ground black pepper
        1 Tbs. ground sea salt

        Store in a cool, dark place.

        You can use this spice as a rub or for soups or rice.
        Naan from the bakery (it was a bit dry so I drizzled a melted margarine/olive oil mix that was laced with roasted garlic infusion). I am not happy with my home-made Naan recipe yet. Naan can also be purchased from Trader Joe's fr0zen food section and is my fav as it comes in several flavors and each bag is only $1.99. What a deal! As a side dish, I cut up fruit-pineapple, papaya and pears. I topped this with ground cinnamon. Yum!

        Mix lentils with water, garlic, onion, and spices. Cook, uncovered over medium-low heat, for 20 minutes until the lentils are soft and puffy. Add water as needed to cover. Add the tomatoes and heat 10 more minutes on simmer.This is good ladled in bowls or over whole grains like brown rice.

        I wanted a more hearty bowl-so instead of adding beef or lamb as many recipes suggested, I decided to add extra firm cubed tofu for protein. I also added some boiled sliced carrots (I wanted squash but was in a hurry) and at the last minute in went some boiled, diced with skins Yukon Gold potatoes.
        I served this fairly spicy dish with garlic
        I have a whole pot left over and almost gave it away. Glad I will have leftovers this weekend. And my house smells incredible hours later too!
        And for those of you who want to watch Naan being made, view this video.

        So the recipe I made is as follows:
        1/2 large onion, chopped
        1 1/4 cup brown lentils
        2 1/4 cups water
        1 garlic clove, crushed
        2-3 Tbsp. berbere spice mixture, above
        1 28-ounce jar diced tomatoes

        Tuesday, November 06, 2007

        Interesting Quote...

        "In dictatorships we are more fortunate than you in the West in one respect. We believe nothing of what we read in the newspapers and nothing of what we watch on television, because we know it's propaganda and lies. Unlike you in the West, we've learned to look behind the propaganda and to read between the lines, and unlike you, we know that the real truth is always subversive."

        Dissident Czech Novelist Zdenek Urbanek

        Monday, November 05, 2007

        It's A Boy!!! He Needs A Name!!!

        A new big furry boy! I will pick up the newest edition to my zoo tomorrow afternoon. "Oreo" had been waiting for adoption for over 2 months and is a border collie mix. I have no idea what the mix is yet and will have to see what my vet says. He is a pretty big boy already so I am thinking maybe some lab.

        Anyways, he is about a year old, already neutered and potty trained. He and my Marley met today for the first time and seemed to get along okay. "Oreo" likes to chew. Clancy liked to chew too because he was bored and lonely and he ate my sofa way back when (I needed a new one anyways) , so hopefully my sofa will stay intact this time and "Oreo" and Marley will bond quickly. I will try and post a photo when I bring him home tomorrow.

        So "Oreo" needs a better name. Let's have a contest with suggestions for him. He is at least 70 pounds I think, so no Tinkerbell stuff. He is dark greys and blueish black with spots-mottled spots. Very lively and full of fun. Leave your suggestions here and I will see if any fit. I just can't live with "Oreo". What is wrong with people and the names they give anyways? Somehow a Great Dane named Snookums is so wrong too! I like people names for animals, so think along that line. I have one name in mind but want to see what others think too.

        Where is the Outrage?

        This photo was taken during the Vietnam War. I was a senior in high school in 1972 and had just become eligible to vote. I was outraged by the photo of a beautiful innocent 9 year old girl with her back on fire from napalm. She survived and became a doctor and an ambassador for the United Nations.

        This little girl from the Middle East will not have that chance. Her father buried her last week. She was killed in a village bombing. She was not the target-she was just in the vicinity. The intended target escaped. How many more of these photos must we endure before this war ends? 35 years later, where is the outrage? Or is having oil to gad about in our SUVs worth this?

        Sunday, November 04, 2007

        Times Three--Plus a Dog!

        This video is NOT embedable---be sure to turn up the sound!

        Friday, November 02, 2007

        For Courtney--Ikea Queen

        Life's Expenses-Sometimes Less is More.

        Britney's Expenses:
        • $102,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation
        • $49,267 on mortgage payments
        • $16,000 on clothes
        • $4,758 on eating out
        • $2,500 on phone bills
        Kevin's Expenses:
        • $5,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation
        • $7,500 on rent
        • $2,000 on clothes
        • $1,500 on eating out
        • $750 on phone bills
        (above numbers as released by the court on Thursday, Nov 1)

        Jan's Expenses
        • $23 on entertainment, gifts and vacation (one movie and popcorn)
        • $545 on mortgage (not including taxes and insurance)
        • $6 on clothing (mostly running race shirts from races I do)
        • $200 on eating out (unless I have extra mouths to feed)
        • $32 cell phone bill (unless I get a text message-10 cents each)

        I do spend a lot on hobbies-books, rubber stamps, scrapping supplies, and my gym membership, so let's add another $450 as a mental therapy charge not covered by health insurance.

        So does that mean that the self gratifying and overly immature couple above need to take up rubber stamping or maybe running as hobbies? I would gladly have them over for a card stamping demo or a vegetarian supper to discuss the newest parenting manuals.

        Wednesday, October 31, 2007

        Snot Faced Pumpkin

        This is what happens when you are bored to death, it's pouring rain and you have tons of Halloween goodies and no takers. You photograph candles with runny noses. I need to raid the ice box-there is Witch's Brew in there! Might take the edge off, ya think?

        Take A Witch Trick or Treating...

        Sorry but I am busy tonight unless you want to wait until after 8PM....

        Creepy Places Around The Globe

        I personally find most of these off the wall places quite interesting but if you are in the vicinity of them, have a whirl.

        Tuesday, October 30, 2007

        Stats and Visitors

        I just noticed tonight that my stat counter was gone. This must have happened when I upgraded my template to the new Blogger a few weeks ago. I hadn't noticed any real visitors until I installed the Live Traffic Feed. I don't particularly like this one, but it will stay for now.It only records the last 100 visitors, so when I got all excited about a visit from Moscow and another from Iran, it was for naught. As more people clicked here, they were wiped off my map. If anyone knows of a visitor's map or a similar thing to it that will retain all visits, let me know.
        In the meantime, I am also trying to figure out what to do with this blog. I have my other blog of paper crafting which gets more hits and I try to keep it on topic, but that's hard sometimes. Any ideas for here? Everyone has recipes, I don't have photos of family, so let me know if you have any grand ideas. I can scour the Internet for cool stuff maybe or get very political. Or just the whole jumble that is my life but I wont be posting here everyday. I like my stamps too much to neglect them for long. Go visit sometimes and tell me what you think of my other blog.

        Scary Stuff! Home May Be House of Horrors

        This was in my local paper Sunday. It's not a great paper by any means but once in a while, a writer will get it right. Rose Mary Reiz gets my "Great Write" of the week! Be sure to see her musings about Sweetest Day in the above link. Or email her below and let her know other stuff that creeps you out.

        Sunday, October 28, 2007 By Rose Mary Reiz

        Forget creepy corn mazes and haunted hayrides; whats really scary is whats lurking in the back of your refrigerator. Or on your toilet plunger. Or under your clothes dryer. The household gunk and grunge were talking about would send even Freddy Kruger running for

        But for the rest of us, there's no escape. In honor of the spookiest holiday of the year, here are some of the scariest home chores we can think of.

        • Be afraid. Be very afraid of any clean-up that involves human or animal waste or other bodily secretions especially anything to which the word projectile applies. Cleaning up stinky accidents can test your devotion to your spouse, your child or your golden retriever. But it builds character.

        • Under every oven there lurks a Tater Tot that rolled there circa 1982. The cat and dog have tried in vain to scoop it out with a paw, and you've occasionally swatted at it with a broom. Due to grease and
          dust, its double its original size. It'll stay there until you move.

        • At the bottom of the kitchen sink there's something like a smashed lima bean and corn kernel tightly tied to the stopper with a few strands of human hair and some unidentifiable goo. Have fun teasing it out with your fingers.

        • To save time, you might as well scream before you even enter the bathroom. Between the dirty caulk, soap scum, toilet stains and requisite hair in the soap, the bathroom is a treasure trove of terror.

        • In a similar vein, you can grit your teeth, hold your nose and look the other way while you plunge a clogged toilet. Once that problems solved, you've still got the dripping rubber plunger to deal with. Some are designed with a curved lip around the edge for maximum suction. Try not to think about whats under there, or what would be required to remove it.

        • Metal door and window tracks are sad little cemeteries for the lady bugs and flies that lie in a row on their backs, legs in the air. They make creepy crunching sounds when you remove them.

        • A garage or basement floor becomes a grisly miniature crime scene after Fluffy's caught, played with, killed and decapitated a mouse. Try to remember: Cats only leave such gifts for those they love.

        • Each once-pristine silk or straw flower arrangement is doomed yes, doomed! to become a trap for every minute particle of grease and dust that's ever drifted through the air of your home.

        • How is it possible for so many dried and greasy crumbs to remain in a toaster or inside the crack of a dining room table?

        • How do fresh vegetables become a gray-ish, half-solidified pool in the bottom of your vegetable crisper drawer overnight?

        • Its a law: Even after its been through the dishwasher, at least one tidbit of cooked pasta must remain cemented in the colander.

        • And you don't think you'll ever get those dried bits of-- well, we're scared to speculate about exactly what they are --out of your nylon dish scrubby, do you?

        • Likewise, the goo that drips down the side of your saucepan and puddles in the pan under the burner also has oozed into some frightening chamber far below. You will never get it out, and you will always know its there. Just sniff.

        • No amount of scrubbing will eliminate the stain (once chili) that has fused with the molecules of your plastic storage containers. A

        • And finally, one last scary thought, what is that black stuff stuck to the bottom of the kitchen trash bin when you remove the plastic
          bag? And how long do you plan to ignore it?

        Monday, October 22, 2007

        Free Tacos-Hold the Beef.

        BOSTON (Reuters) - Many Americans will be wagering on this week's baseball World Series. For Taco Bell, the stakes are a free taco for everyone in the United States.

        The fast-food chain on Monday unveiled a promotion it is calling "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco," which will run through the best-of-seven matchup.

        "Millions and millions of people will be watching the Series and hopefully tuning in to see when they are going to get their taco," said Taco Bell spokesman Rob Poetsch.

        There has been at least one stolen base in every World Series matchup since 1990. When the first base is stolen, the unit of Yum Brands Inc, will announce a Tuesday afternoon when consumers will be able to walk into the chain's participating 5,800 outlets and ask for a free taco. Anyone who walks into a participating outlet during the give-away period would be eligible for a free taco.

        Despite the promotion's name, stealing the taco will not be

        Hey Tofu Eaters...Read This Recall.

        A tofu recall (why should we vegetarians be exempt?) and all the details are here !

        Saturday, October 20, 2007


        Natalie at Thanks for Looking sorta tagged me. Anyone reading this is now officially tagged. I placed it here on my non-artistic blog to keep it separate in case others were not interested or offended. If you want card making, go to Paper Tango . This blog is for the insane-or the fast getting there.


        • Q. What is your salad dressing of choice? I don't use very much so really anything; as long as it doesn't have cheese or dead fish in it and always on the side. That Colonial stuff at Bob Evan's is okay.
        • Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? None-I don't do fast food. Blech!
        • Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Charlie Kang's in East Lansing for Korean or Ashoka or Priya in Troy for Indian-both an hour's drive at least-but whatever I am closest to. I prefer ethnic anything to American slop.
        • Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Typically 18%... and round it to be even.
        • Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Peanut butter right out of the jar.
        • Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice? black olives and green peppers-unless it's from Buddy's in Detroit-then the spicy Greek one.
        • Q. What do you like to put on your toast? margarine and PB if I am at home-never jelly.


        • Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? two dogs-one huge, one itty bitty and the small one saying "F*** you! I can only die once!"
        • Q. How many televisions are in your house? One in family room-60", one in basement 12" only for videos (not using ), One in bedroom for exercise DVDs. We have satellite tv and it's only connected in the family room.


        • Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty but confused. I went to Catholic schools. Left was the devil-my kids are all lefties.
        • Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? I expelled alien earthlings, a few teeth, parts I no longer needed for reproduction (not by choice)
        • Q. When was the last time you had a cavity? I can get all my teeth filled or even pulled and will still have cavities.
        • Q: What was the last time you lifted something heavy? Today-lifted weights at the gym--this week, moved some boxes of books.
        • Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? deliberately, many times by doctors for surgery etc. Once had a money box fall on my head from a closet shelf -full of coins. Yeowch.


        • Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Nope-not interested. Quick and alone would suit me fine.
        • Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I always wanted to be Jacqueline-very exotic to me. Just Jan don't bake anymore.
        • Q. What color do you think looks best on you? black-because it doesn't show dirt-pass a bib to me if you can. I am a slob.
        • Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A yellow crayon-holding it in my teeth and swallowed-gag!
        • Q. Have you ever saved some one's life? I saved a kitten's life once-her owner's son stuck its head in a hole of a plastic jug and I used a butcher knife to cut it free. Decided then never to be an EMT.
        • Q. Has someone ever saved yours? Maybe-my daughter saw I was having a seizure in the hospital and called for help. Not like they check up on you anymore.


        • Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for$200,000? no. I don't like pain.
        • Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000? Yes. And a lot of other things I would quit for the same or less or even pay you.
        • Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? nope-ulcers. I don't like pain.
        • Q. Would you give up TV for a year for $1000? I rarely watch now, so bring it on. Take away my sports section of the paper and then we have issues.


        • Q. What is in your left pocket? Nothing-well, my fingers as I just double checked to see that I have nothing.
        • Q. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? I have never seen it and would not bother. Let me check Metacritic. 64 of 100-supposedly better than Nacho Libra with a 52.
        • Q. Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? some of both. Some in boxes.
        • Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand. If I sit there is no room and I am on the drain.
        • Q. Could you live with roommates? I am having a hard time living with a husband.
        • Q. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? none-never wear them.
        • Q. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? January 2007-accident deemed my fault even tho other person had no lights on in the dark. Should have been equally at fault.
        • Q. What do you want to be when you grow up? a giraffe.
        • Q. Who is number 1 on your top 8? My top 8 what? People who annoy me? Can we have an 8 way tie??


        • Q. Friend you talked to? My dog-and he didn't listen. Just like a man.
        • Q. Last person who called you? Courtney at 12:04 AM Friday after the storm.


        • Q. Number? 23-Grampa, Willie Horton , summer of 1968
        • Q. Season? Summer-like hot hot hot.


        • Q. Missing someone? missing myself.
        • Q. Mood? puzzled
        • Q. Listening to? Red Wings (5-2) on XM radio, baseball on TV and the hum of the computer.
        • Q. Watching? computer screen-that little cursor sure is a busy guy.
        • Q. Worrying about? what don't I worry about? Someone has to give a crap.


        • Q. First place you went this morning? toidy
        • Q. What can you not wait to do? leave this place for warm forever.
        • Q. What's the last movie you saw? Some bore I gave into and it didn't make an impression on me for sure-can't remember one bit of it.
        • Q. Do you smile often? depends-kids make me smile. Adults usually make me cry.
        • Q. Are you a friendly person? with kids and animals, yes, but I don't trust most adults, so not until I know them well.

        Thursday, October 18, 2007

        Mouthwash-The Song

        I found this song playing on a blog from the UK and thought it was catchy. But stupid me, I thought the lyrics said that "Sometimes I fart" when it actually says "Sometimes I floss" . Enjoy.


        This is my face, covered in freckles with an occasional spot and some veins.
        This is my body, covered in skin, and not all of it you can see
        And, this, is my mind, it goes over and over the same old lines
        And, this, is my brain, it's torturous analytical thoughts make me go insane

        And I use mouthwash
        Sometimes I floss
        I've got a family
        And I drink cups of tea

        I've got nostalgic pavements
        I've got familar faces
        I've got mixed-up memories
        And I've got favourite places

        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night
        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be

        This is my face, I've got a thousand opinions and not the time to explain
        And this is my body, and no matter how you try and disable it, yeah, I'll still be
        And, this, is my mind, and although you try to infringe you cannot confine
        And, this, is my brain, and even if you try and hold me back there's nothing
        that you can gain

        Because I use mouthwash
        Sometimes I floss
        I've got a family
        And I drink cups of tea

        I've got nostalgic pavements
        I've got familar faces
        I've got mixed-up memories
        And I've got favourite places

        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night
        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night
        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be
        And I'm singing uh oh on a Friday night and I hope everything's going to be

        Sunday, October 14, 2007

        Win A Camera! A Camera On A Mission!

        Slim, sleek and ultra-chic.She’s dressed in pink and takes fabulous photos.Her mission is promoting awareness and education about breast cancer.

        Check out this website and enter today!

        Friday, October 12, 2007

        Who Will You Vote For in 2008?

        As the months tick down to a new election, are you as confused and angry as me? Try this simple yes or no quiz to see who might be in line with your dreams, passions and hopes for the American people and the world.

        Free Hugs

        The Great Carni-Vegan Compromise

        To be continued..................???

        Thursday, October 04, 2007


        I posted this at my other blog but I know some visiters here don't read that one at all.

        I did a half marathon Sunday. Haven't done one of those in many years, 10 miles pretty much being my comfort zone. At 11 miles, I was ready to quit and that is not like me at all. I just wanted to sit DOWN!!! I would have settled for an ant hill if I saw one. It was an interesting way to see the city of Lansing and a nice fundraiser for the Children's Museum . And we had a corpulent cop say we were her heroes--we did try to convince her to join us but I think she was stuck behind the popo wheel (with a box of doughnuts).

        This is what the front of the shirts look like-lousy photo but I like it as it's not white and tea stains won't show. As I neared the finish line along the river (wish there had been more color in the trees and not 80F at the end) a duck on the water started to laugh at me! Ha Ha Ha over and over. Good thing I don't eat animals otherwise he may have been lunch!

        I don't care what my time was, only that I finished and got my nice fake bronze medal (the paint is already peeling off). I have sore hips, shin splints and a burned face. Also some odd bruises that look like a comet exploded on my thigh but that could just be because I am a klutz. I did go to the gym today to try and work the kinks out a bit, see the half neked guys play hoops-we sometimes get NBA guys like Mo Pete and Mateen to knock around (and I got to watch the Wings game, Allison). Crazy but I heard there was another on Mackinaw Island the end of the month... Now that would be pretty and a fudge delight! Where do I sign up?

        Sunday, September 30, 2007

        Wednesday, September 19, 2007

        The Voice of the Turtle

        Tiger Stadium was to be my final resting place. Upon my death, my ashes were to be scattered in left field among the ghosts of Willie Horton, Al Kaline, Norm Cash, Alan Trammel, Daryl Evans and many others.I spent many wonderful afternoons in the ball park with my grampa, my dad, hubby and later my kids and grand kids. I stuck with teams both wonderful and going thru the halls of hell. Until the strike .

        I never went back to the ball park when the strike was settled and my dad died the next year. I am still angry over the strike. I also hated how the team was decimated and then sold--altho the new owner finally got a clue and is pouring as much cash into it as his beloved Red Wings. But this beautiful stadium was thrown to the wind. Taxpayers are now forced to pay more inside the city to pay for a new stadium. Unlike the owner of the Pistons (who financed his own new stadium) the Tigers threw away a gem and the poorest of the state pay for it-unless you stay at a hotel, eat at a restaurant or otherwise play within the county. I can count on my one hand how many times I have been inside the city limits since then. I will never go inside the new stadium. All my memories are down the road a bit.

        This week it was announced that the stadium is set for demolition even tho several solutions to preserve it have been laid out. The mayor wont listen even to Ernie Harwell -the long time voice of the Tigers. Even he has been thrown to the curb. There are several groups who are hoping to save some of it-Ernie wants to save at least the playing field and some seats for a residential park/historical site

        The stadium was renovated several times. The original seats were not stationery like this one. The first time I ever went to a game, it was to a seat like this and the ushers would wipe the dust off for a nickle or dime.

        These seats are a bit older-notice the designs under the arm. A set of these would set you back several thousand dollars in BAD condition.

        So the auction of the innards of Tiger Stadium have begun. I was able to purchase a set of seats here . This again was another upgrade but it will be all I have-I wanted 3 but they only come in twos. One for me, one for dad and one for grampa. There is also a huge auction of many items listed at this link.I want the marquee sign but can only imagine what I would do with it. It belongs at Greenfield/Henry Ford or the Smithsonian or the Hall of Fame -well it really belongs at the Corner. Michigan and Trumbell. But deaf ears and stupidity are taking it elsewhere.

        I have had this sweat shirt now for over 15 years and its getting thin but it keeps me close to the ghosts. I still will be scattered in left field. My field of dreams may have a factory on it, may have a McDonald's someday or may just be an empty lot. But dreams never go away. You can always walk thru them whenever you close your eyes and hear the Voice of the Turtle.

        ""For, lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; The time of the singing of birds is come, And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.""