Black Swan 2- Nina Returns!

The Star Wars Special Everyone REALLY Wanted

Star Wars Christmas 2010

Have a good one, whatever you celebrate. Meet me back here in the next decade.

I Have Invaders.

Mid October and these things show up. So much for weed and feed.

Manny the Funky Fanny Kat

The balloon lady at Leo's Diner made this for me last week. I named him Manny with the funky fanny. He is losing air pretty fast, so I think he will be long gone with his farty wind soon.

How funny-my reflection is in the face of Manny. Good thing I had three shirts on. It was a windy, brrrr day.

Chubby Sunshine

I was feeling a bit down today and someone sent me this. Enjoy.

Science 101-9th Graders?

No wonder our kids are so stupid compared to Asian and Europeans. This would be funny if it were primary school kids but not high schoolers. Actual teacher submitted results from tests.

• The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.
• A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator.
• The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.
• It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.
• Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
• Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.
• The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
• Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
• Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun but I never have been able to make out the numbers.
• In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
• When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
• One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
• For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead.
• Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
• A monsoon is a French gentleman.
• The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
• Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
• Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
• Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.
• There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.
• The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
• You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit.If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

Kitchen B****

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 -year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train...cause we're going down the tracks.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house.

Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added,"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Let The Women Navigate!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter “ usually late November to mid-December". Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.

We should have known! Only women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!!

12 days of Christmas-With Cats

Anyone with cats will like this . Anyone who doesn't have cats knows why they don't........

Thanks JenBen (moving at Christmas with three kids-what were you thinking? )

• On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree my 12 cats were laughing at me.
• On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the fourth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the fifth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the sixth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the seventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the eighth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the ninth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the tenth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me
• On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.
• On the twelfth day of Christmas I looked at my poor tree 12 cats a-climbing 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me.